One of the advantages of the Xword world is that it provides escape from the real one. This puzzle is an exception in that it teaches us how to read slippery realty ads from the eely industry. It's not pretty, but it is funny, especially: "charming" for REALLYTINY; "expansive backyard" for NOPOOLORSPA; "quiet setting" for OUTINTHEBOONIES.
[The auto industry also uses code words as in "fun to drive," which translates to "bumpy and noisy."]
I also liked:"Gator chaser?"
PORTA [septic company name] "Put down in writing?"